Beer… in… SPACE!!!

I wanna thank Ter for her helpful comments on yesterday’s post. Rather than responding in another comment, though, I’ll address some of her points here.

Somehow I missed where you are going but your list of emergency stuff tells me you’re not really going to be anywhere off the beaten path or your list of supplies would not have things like more tunes for your iPod and mobile Internet access interspersed with a zero-rated sleeping bag and emergency rations/water.

– Ter already knows this, but for readers unfamiliar with my style, I put more emphasis on humor than on accuracy. Yes, I want more tunes for my iPod – it’s a long drive across the country, through places that only have country music stations. I also want to sign up for satellite radio, but that’s another issue. As for mobile internet access, that’s explained simply: I can’t update this blog or check my email if I’m relying on wi-fi hotspots; some of the route doesn’t even have Starbuckses or McDonald’ses! (Part of it may even be inaccessible to mobile phones, but that’s not as big a problem.)

Let me guess, you haven’t had survival training for the mountains in the winter, have you?

– I’ve lived in Virginia for most of my life. We only think we have mountains. Survival training: Walk down the mountain; soon, you’ll come to a road.

Flares? Don’t you have those all the time?

– No. But I was carrying around some illegal (in VA) fireworks for a while. (Note to law enforcement officials: not any more.)

What about the triangles?

– Nah, just cowbells. What I really need is more cowbell.

But for snow…we’re talking chains for the tires not cat litter (unless the cat is coming along for the ride and as the possible meal if you get lost for more than a week)…

– No, the cat is staying warm and safe at home like a smart animal.

…and unless you’re planning on taking propane with you, screw the stove (or are you actually camping out? if so, then a stove is good).

– Or I could really rough it and get a travel microwave. I just received my DC/AC converter with bonus USB port for charging gadgets (and also my printed USA road atlas), so I’m thinking microwave.

If you’re driving from place to place and planning to stay at motels/hotels and the worst you’re worried about is getting lost you really don’t need more than some warm thermals, heavy socks, boots, a good jacket, hat, gloves, plenty of water, a few meals you can open with pull-top and some nuts/chocolate.

– Gotcha. The chocolate idea is especially relevant to my interests. And I can’t get lost – I have a GPS! (You can put that on my epitaph after they find my frozen body.)

If you were going to be hiking around somewhere you’d want to add some matches, a tin can, aluminum foil, some rope, glove and boot liners and some snowshoes.

– Nah, hiking is too much like exercise. Still, the car could break down (unlikely) or run out of gas (likely). What’s the aluminum foil for? Oh, right, making hats to block the subliminal government broadcasts. Especially useful in Idaho, where I’d fit right in wearing one.

———

And now you may be wondering why I titled this entry as I did. Well, it seems that some bloke in Australia has managed to combine three of my favorite things: space, travel… and BEER!

It’s even real beer, not that swill that gets marketed here in the US as Australian beer. Real Australians sneer at that stuff. They also sneer at any wild animal that isn’t venomous, including wolves, polar bears and Snooki.

Here’s a link to the article.

There’s only one element in the universe that could possibly make the majestic view of the Earth from outer space even more god-like. That, of course, would be beer…

Beer is likely the reason we started having civilization in the first place, and space travel is, of course, the ultimate result of civilization. Full circle, baby!

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About Waltz

An international man of mystery, Waltz is a puzzle wrapped in an enigma. Kind of a puzzle burrito, actually. With conundrum cheese and secret sauce. And a side of Riddle Rice.

Posted on October 18, 2011, in Beer, Travel. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. You are all set now. You have planned for every possible contingency, and a few that are unlikely to occur, as well. Hope you are having a wonderful adventure; you really need a cat, not to EAT, but for the companionship. I have a few who would like to volunteer, but they have never been outside, and so would be of no real help

  2. Okay Mr. Comedy, go drink your beer in space. I bet you’ll need a whole different type of survival training should you get lost out there though! The cowbell will probably help you in that aspect though because it will keep your mind entertained as you float away from Earth.

    On another note, I have no f’*ing clue what the aluminum foil was for at this point. It was 30 years ago dude! I can’t remember 30 days ago, how do you expect me to remember 30 years ago? I did find some lovely links that are actually helpful though, all sans aluminum foil, so you can just chalk that up to my attempt at humor.

    Car Kits: http://beprepared.com/article.asp?ai=28
    http://www.doityourself.com/stry/assembling-an-emergency-preparedness-kit-for-your-car

    And for the real man who wants to rough it: http://www.m4040.com/Survival/Survival%20Kit.htm

    (Can we do links in the comments, like real links, or do I just have to post the urls? I hate that, they look so cheesy!)

    Enjoy and only take the aluminum foil if you want to fit in with the Idahoans! 🙂

  3. Car Kits: How to Build an Emergency Car Kit
    Emergency Car Survival Kit

    And for the real man who wants to rough it: Home Made Survival Kit

    If this doesn’t work, just delete it. 🙂

  4. Your printed USA road atlas requires charging? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? :-p

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